ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
