So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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