Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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