Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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