We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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