he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
