The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
