I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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