Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
