he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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