he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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