so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
