listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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