I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
