That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
