The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am one with the molecules
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
