Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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