your parents love me but you hate me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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