She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
