Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
