I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
