Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
