and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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