I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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