The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
