NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
