I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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