Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Come on in and take your pants off
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