dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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