once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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