So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
