So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
