it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
