i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
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