dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize