Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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