I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
