even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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