I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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