I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am one with the molecules
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
