I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
