If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize