Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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