Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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