Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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