i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
