k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
