I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
