I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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