I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
