Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
