Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
