did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
