Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i drank out of a bidet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
