just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
