Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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