I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
