Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
