I love black thongs
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
