i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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