You're completely useless in the revolution.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
