Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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