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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.

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• (805): View more from California

  My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar

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• (+33): View more from France

  I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit

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• (425): View more from Washington

  THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple

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