dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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