I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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