toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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