oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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