sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize