You're so nebulous sometimes
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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